Sometimes you get the girl...Sometimes you get the inflatable wo-...uh...nevermind.

I'm planning a quick trip into Baltimore to see my sis on the panel at the National Press Club. Last week, Air Tran was advertising tickets at $39 each way (plus those silly taxes). Unfortunately, my boss didn't let me know I could get those days off until Monday. By then, it was back up to $64 each way. I figured there'd be another sale so I waited, only to find the flight there jumped another $10 because it was now under 10 days. So rather than wait any longer, I went ahead and bought the ticket and it totaled $160.

Today I get an Email from Southwest. Columbus to Baltimore, $39 each way. Nuts.

But I'm also planning a trip to Chicago in March. Southwest has direct flights from Columbus to Chicago, usually for good prices. In the same Email, Columbus to Chicago for $29. Have to buy by tomorrow, though.

So I go to the site and the ticket prices are still the same as they were before. I'd missed the part in the EMail where the period on sale ended March 8th. I leave on March 9th...Nuts.

"Aaa, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though. Cause one time I-ha." -Chief Wiggum

If people say torture is wrong, why aren't we banning the ballet?

D asks:
"Question - do you also like big ballet dance numbers (like the Nutcracker)?"

Hell no. Good Lord no. I did the ballet once. One time and I can't imagine what it would take to get me to go again. It should only be something men are taken to as punishment. Any woman who takes her man to the ballet must be mad at him and trying to teach him a lesson. I'd eat a whole bucket full of mecrop before going to another ballet.

Was dating Carolyn at the time and bought tickets to Madam Butterfly. She enjoys the theater etc so I thought it was a good idea.

Be warned. You're about to figure out how horribly uncultured I was (I don't care, though. I'm only slightly more cultured now) and am. We sit down, it starts and it occurs to me..."You mean they don't talk AT ALL? This is gonna suck." And it did. It sucked in ways I didn't think a ballet could suck but apparently I wasn't thinking hard enough. The "dancing" sucked. The story is awful. Just awful. And it couldn't end soon enough. I know I wasn't the only person in there considering jabbing my eyes with a pen. Wish I'd brought my Leatherman so I could have spent the time pulling my fingernails out to distract me from the brutal mess on stage.

True story: I fell asleep during the production, and when I woke up was so convinced that I was still dreaming, I got up onstage and walked around. The odd thing is the show is such an ugly mess that no one seemed to notice or care.

It's the most upsetting experience I've ever had in a theater. The only time the audience applauded was when I whipped a battery at the actors.

Yeaa, it ranked below Red Ships of Spain.

Tagged?

ok, tagged by my sis to share 3 things people probably don't know about me.

Using my sister's template:

#1. I also have never broken a bone. Not even a fracture. I've had grade 3 ankle sprains on both ankles since I've started playing competitive volleyball but that's the worse. Moyers and Malinoskis have strong bones.

#2. I really enjoy large, elaborate dance numbers. I love watching the choreography. I loved the Masquerade number in Phantom of the Opera. This leads to another thing you won't know about me. I love Michael Jackson videos. Smooth Criminal is the greatest video ever created...followed closely by the Beastie Boys' Sabotage (no dancing in that one).

#3. While doing radio in Korea, I aired a bit I created where Barney sings for a bit and then gets brutally killed. Without thinking, I aired it at 11 AM on Sunday morning. The next day the commander called me into his office to tell me another commander had called him because he had just left church Sunday at around 11 AM. He and his family (two young girls) got into the car, turned on the radio to hear Barney singing his song. The girls were surprised and happy. Apparently the family was pretty disturbed to then hear Barney being violently murdered. To this day, I still have a deduction taken out of my military pay to go to cover their therapy.

I'm only going to tag Ang on this.

What should someone say?

Tara asks a good question:

"So, what are friends supposed to say? (if anything at all?)"

Well, I can't speak for how women want to be spoken to in this situation. They may actually prefer the phrase I abhor.

But for me, and probably a lot of guys, the following are sound suggestions:

1. That sucks. Sorry she's such a (insert derogatory female term).

2. She's not worth it anyway. She sure just proved that.

3. Let's drink a lot of beer and find some strippers.

Those are all acceptable and comforting words.

Thinking before speaking...

Ever get the silly relationship pep talk? Is there a phrase more condescending (that means "to talk down to") than "you're a great person! Don't worry, you'll find someone!!" or one of it's many derivatives?

If you know someone who just got out of a relationship, don't say that unless they say "Will I ever find anyone?" And for God's sake, don't say it to a guy. No man worth his salt sits around whining "Will I ever find someone?" unless he's starring in Brokeback Mountain.

I've heard that phrase about 5 times now in the past few days due to a recent breakup, being led on by the same girl and then inexplicably ignored.

Yeah, I'm a bit depressed because I thought a lot of her and she fell short. And yes, it sucks. But I'm not huddled in a corner, in the fetal position, sucking my thumb. Being depressed about the end of a relationship is plenty different from being depressed over thinking I'll never find someone. The first one is ok, the 2nd one is not. It's the people who are so desperate to be in some kind of relationship that end up in the crappy ones and stay in them.

I know I'm a good guy (not the same as saying I think I'm perfect) and I'm not depressed about the fact that I don't have someone. I'm perfectly happy being single and tend to prefer it because I enjoy the freedom. I'm depressed because I thought I'd found a gal that I actually enjoyed spending lots of time with. And anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that it is rare for me to find that.

I know the "you're a great person! Don't worry, you'll find someone!!" is said with good intentions, typically. But think sometime about how condescending it sounds. While too many people are desperate to be in a relationship because...well, that's what "normal" people are supposed to do (when it's possibly the opposite)...I'm perfectly content being single, if that's what the good Lord sees for me.

I don't need the pep talk, seriously.

(rant over)

A special thanks to Ang for offering advice and a shoulder during this time (she's a rock) and never once uttering that phrase. THAT is a good friend.