By popular demand

Hit Me Baby One More Time...
(I haven't gone through and edited this so forgive any misspellings and grammatical errors)

09:01 Show starts. Host is up again. Try to play the crowd a bit.

I missed last week’s. And this one was requested by Kenzie.

First up is Greg Kihn band. I remember playing him on the radio when I was in Korea in the early 90’s (his breakup song was already about 10 years old by then)

09:03 OK, seems like all the artists from the 80’s put on at least 30-40 lbs. Song is ok.

Ah ah, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

OK, he’s kinda yelling the chorus but that’s ok. He’s probably already out of breath.

Ugh, horrible edit after the host asks him a stupid question.

09:06 Club Nuveau is up next. Bonus points to anyone who knows their original name…Timex Social Club! Bet ya didn’t know that one.

They’re playing Lean On Me. It’s their overplayed 80’s station song. But Rumors was so much better.

Anyone remember the spoof song called Roaches taken from Rumors? Probably not

Wow, I expected them to be better. I’m not impressed. They had to be the favorite coming in. They may still win just because this has become one of those “timeless 80’s songs” like the Romantics “What I like about you.” But this performance is weak.

Ever been driving along and hear a horrible sound that sounds like it came from your car? Then you look over and this piece of crap is next to you and you’re grateful because there is no way it is your car instead of this one?

09:09 Commercial break. Glass Tiger is coming up. They have to do “Don’t forget me when I’m gone.”

Flip over to ABC to check out the introductions for game 7 of the NBA championship. Wouldn’t you love to be introduced at work like this?

-Cue smoke machines and laser lights flashing all over-

“He led the office in First Call Resolution, the Service Desk Analyst of the Month, Eric E-Z-E MOYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

09:12 And we are back. Glass Tiger, Playing “Don’t Forget Me When I’m Gone.” Man, I love this song. The 80’s songs they do here take me back.

I would beat anyone’s sorry but in 80’s pop culture trivia. If you think you have it, name the challenge.

Wow, this guy’s been more plucked and has more makeup than Cameron Diaz.

09:16 Billy Vera and the Beaters. Did you know that song became big after being played on Family Ties? I did.

I just have a feeling this one will suck. We’ll see.

Well, he’s probably the first to actually be playing an instrument. Wow, he’s doing great.

This lighter is burning my hand now.

He could be the first to do a slow song and win.

09:19 This host needs a bigger beating than the Encyclopedia Britannica guy

Commercial break.

This is a good “reality” type show. But the thing that’s keeping it from being among the premiere ones is it’s lack of what Bill Simmons calls “Unintentional Comedy.”

Hmmm, King Kong

Saw a sneak preview of Land of The Dead on Tuesday. It’s a George Romero movie. He’s got a history of all the zombie movies. It sucked. But really, what can you do with zombie movies anymore? There’s nothing else you can do with zombies. Zombie! The Musical? Been done: Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Do yourself a favor and watch one of his originals.

09:24 Thelma Houston. She’s from before my time. So I probably won’t have a whole lot to add here.

Shoot, I can hum my way through a song. Not impressive.

Go back to those backup singers.

Time for the host who wasn’t born when she was big to ask her a question…

Wow, some hot women in that crowd. I’m gonna find a way to get in to this show.

09:28 This Listerine commercial is STILL on. They’ve been airing it for 4 years now.

09:31 Cover time. Greg Kihn doing Green Day. Singing it like he doesn’t care about anything except the post-show buffet.

He sounds like John Goodman doing the Blues Brothers.

Damn, another hot blonde. Ohio sucks.

OK, picks up the tempo. Better. Making it his own. His son is on guitar. Damn he’s good.

Another shot of the crowd. I hate Ohio.

09:34 Club Nuveau. Um, ok. He wants to start a pro Domino League. Well, be ambitious dude!

Covering Dido. Well, they are obviously making it theirs as much as it can be.

But how much can you really do with a Dido song? It’s already as unique as it’s going to be. It’s tough. Like covering Enya or something.

Wow, she’s afraid of trying the high notes.

Not nearly enough shots of the first row of the crowd. I hate Ohio.

09:37 Commercial break. Over to Game 7. Damn, Robert Horry is something else.

Preview of Matt Lauer interviewing Tom Cruise. Two douchebags but I gotta root for Lauer. Tom Cruise is totally off his rocker. And want a primer on Scientology? Go here. It’s not even worth calling a cult. It’s a financial scam. Heather, if Ashley makes it to LA, make her promise not to buy into that crap.

And does anyone really buy the Cruise-Holmes relationship?

09:41 Glass Tiger. Coerving Vertical Horizon, Everything you want.

Not a good start. Wow, he is sounding even more than gay than he looks…not that there’s anything wrong with that…

His backup singer looks like Fred Armisen of Sat Night Live.

Speaking of, SNL better spoof this in their first episode of the fall. So much material to work with.

OK, after that cover, I have to question if he actually fathered that baby the natural way.

09:44 Billy Vera, doing Ryan Cabrera, True.

Nuts, should have done something he could play the piano with.

Wow, this is bad. He looks as comfortable as if he walked into a rave.

This could be the biggest drop in performance from original hit to cover in the show’s first 4 episodes.

Ooooh! Look! Hablo Espanol!

09:47 Thelma Houston, doing Alicia Key’s falling.

Good start. This is an ambitious cover. But the danger is making it just sound like Alicia is singing it. Will she make this her own? Only time will tell…

…suspense builds…builds…there’s a bit…

Where’s the crowd shots?

OK, thank you…I hate Ohio.

09:50 Well, with that finish and being the last one, I’d give Thelma the edge to win. But no one stood out.

According to the host, we “witnessed 5 mind-blowing performances.” Um, yeah.

Am I wrong to want to kick they guy in the teeth with my steel-toes?

09:54 And we are back…the winner…Thelma gets the most applause. She’s gonna win.

And she did!

Ugh, bad show. If this had been the first one, it would not have hit.

Marked for Death

I don't know what's worse...

1. Writing a script for an action movie starring Steven Seagal.

2. Having Seagal rewrite it on the set.

3. Being a member of Steven Seagal's entourage.

4. That Steven Seagal thinks he has enough "hand" to show up late for work and leave early.

If I didn't know that the "work" was for a film, I'd have assumed the company that provides mall security was going to fire him.

Question

If a man assaults a pregnant woman by kicking her repeatedly in the stomach with the clear intention of having her miscarry, should he be charged with anything more than assault?

Live Blogging Again!

Hit Me Baby One More Time

The first time I saw the preview for this show, I knew I had to watch it. Groups from the 80’s trying one last time for a bit of fame: Loverboy, Flock of Seagulls, CeCe Penniston, Arrested Development, Tiffany.

Arrested Development sure seems to stand out from that group. They didn’t just make appealing music. It really was good.

Forget what the winner is supposed to get.

This live blogging brought to you by the DVD of Team America: World Police, the only movie where you can see Castro-lover Danny Glover get his.

9:01 It’s on! Host looks and acts like a bootleg Ashton Kutcher with Mick Jagger’s mouth.

9:03 Loverboy is up first. Can anyone listen to Working for the Weekend without thinking of Chris Farley dancing against Patrick Swayze?

This guy looks like a little egg in a black suit.

Got up to put my Orange Hi-C in the fridge and noticed I still have an uneaten chocolate bunny from Easter in there. Is that bad? Don't ask which Easter it is from.

So besides working in my local Ace hardware, what has the lead singer for this group been doing?

Says they are going to follow with Hero by Enrique Iglesias.

9:05 Cece Penniston is up next. I really like her. Some good dance music. Uh Uh, Ay Ay, Aye Aye, Ow Ow.

Wow, she’s looking good.

I just have to say I *hate* people who wear pieces of a military uniform because it’s fashionable. Pet peeve.

Is that Justin from the first American Idol as her backup dancer?

She’s covering a Faith Hill song later.

9:10 Well, 10 minutes and two performers in and so far no embarrassing performances. I’m disappointed.

Call to Ang to make sure she’s watching this.

9:13 Flock of Seagulls. They’re doing their hit I Ran. If his hair is normal, I’ll be disappointed.

Um, ok. Here’s the first really bad performance. These guys haven’t sung at all since 1989 is my guess.

Where’s the gong?

Call to Sis to see if she’s watching. I get her voicemail. It better be because she doesn’t want to miss the show.

They’re covering a Ryan Cabrera song later.

9:16 Arrested Development. Man I loved these guys. They weren’t a good group or band. They were good musicians. Wrote great music.

They chose Tennesee. Mr. Wendel would have been good but Tennessee is probably what most identify them with. Darn good song.

Awesome, they STILL have the old guy who just stands there and dances. Awesome. Wouldn’t have been the same with out him.

Does anyone think the people holding instruments are really playing?

“Won’t you help me…take me home…”

Abridged version of the song. Oh well. They’ve worked the crowd best so far. But they’re music is more directed at that to being with.

Speech. That really was a good name.

Cool, they’re covering Los Lonely Boys, Heaven, later. I’m interested in seeing they’re take on that. I imagine it will be noticeably different from the original.

9:21 Previews for the next “Average Joe.” I like the concept of the show. Works with other shows, too. Next Apprentice should be a competition between Phish groupies and Snoop Dogg’s posse. Toss trump that curve.

9:23 Tiffany is next. I had such a HUGE crush on her as a teen. In hindsight, not sure why. She’s not that attractive. But it didn’t matter. I think we’re alone now.

Well, she’s aged pretty well.

She must sit around putting pins into Debbie Gibson dolls.

OK, we see your ample cleavage Tiffany.

Nice tattoo on her wrist. I need to blog on how I’ve come to hate tattoos on women. It’s NOT rebellious! Every girl has them! It makes no real statement. At this point, it’s more counterculture NOT to have a tattoo. More some other time.

Good performance. Good voice.

She’s covering Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway later.

9:26 The winner just gets named the audience favorite? That’s kind of weak, I guess.

9:30 How is Fear Factor still on? What more can they do? I am waiting for the episode when they eat medical waste that washed up on the shore.

Sis returns my call. Show is returning from commercial. I tell her I have to go so I can live blog this. I’m a jerk.

9:31 Text message from Ang: “Do not knock Tiffany. She is a personal favorite.” Is she the only one who uses proper punctuation, grammar and spelling in text messages?

9:33 Loverboy covering Hero. It’s the black egg with legs.

Heck, he’s doing this better than Enrique Iglesias. No puking of the voice. Oops, there was one.

9:35 Cece! Badunkadunk!

She can bring it.

This show better be on for more than just one week.

Oops, she just screeched part of it. I have to eat my words some, now.

Is anyone else just waiting on Arrested Development?

9:38 Flock of Seagulls. Sis says they are still touring.

I think this host is trying out to be a boxing announcer.

Dammit! Gong louder! For the love of God! Hit that gong with sledgehammer or something. Where’s the big hook that comes in to get them? Why can’t this crowd be more like the Apollo crowd? Every fifth audience member should have been handed a piece of fruit for a performance like this(sis says tomatoes and bananas fly well, so do Chips Ahoy cookies).

9:41 I agree with the Sports Guy. The Longest Yard should NEVER have been remade.

Paris Hilton was on Letterman last night. I watched part of it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so empty. I know that’s not groundbreaking news or anything but the crowd wasn’t taking it. I think we were one wrong comment from someone going Jeff Gillooly on her. Not that that's a bad thing...

Aquafina’s awful commercial for “flavored water.” Didn’t this used to be called Kool-Aid?

9:45 Arrested Development. You know, current hip hop could take a lot from them. Hip hop was good but now it’s all pretty darn week.

Where did this group go? They are too good just to disappear. Papa is outta the chair!

Good performance. Crowd loves them. If they don’t win, it’s because Daly had dead people voting.

9:49 Tiffany singing Break Away. I actually like this song.

Average performance…at best. She should try country with her voice.

My ranking: 1. Arrested Development (big gap) – 2. Cece Penniston – 3 (tie).Tiffany/Loverboy – (BIG, HUGE GAP) 5. Flock of bird crap.

9:56 Winner is Arrested Development! Oh, winner gets a donation to charity of his choice. They choose UNICEF. Bad choice but for a good reason. Maybe they’ve reformed but they've had some SERIOUS corruption issues. And why not? They're overseen by the UN?

Oh, next week will have another one. Didn’t hear all of the names but Tommy Tutone and Haddaway caught my ear.

9:58 Promo for “I want to be a Hilton.” (sigh) I guess the winner gets to remove himself from the last group of 50 people who hasn’t slept with Nikki or Paris.